As we go through this series, we will explore many ideas and concepts. Some may seem simple and obvious, while others may be challenging at times. At first glance, some concepts might even appear not to fit within the paradigm many of us have been taught or experienced over the years.
From Here:
I’m in charge.
To There:
I am here to assist and accommodate.
Perspective:
Moving away from being an “authority” means shifting our mindset from “doing for” or “managing” people supported, to “doing with,” enabling and supporting their choices, even when it’s different from our own preferences.
Knowledge:
In the field of supporting people with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities (IDD), we must recognize the pervasive and traditional “authority-based” practice that exists all too often and on so many levels.. A foundational concept we will discuss along this journey is the idea of moving towards cultivating a system centered on empowerment, partnership, and advocacy. Rather than directing, controlling, or making all decisions, direct support professionals are called to facilitate choices, honor self-determination, and focus on the strengths and preferences of the people they support.
Why does this matter?
- Empowerment increases self-esteem, autonomy, and quality of life for people supported.
- Person-centered practices lead to better outcomes and more meaningful relationships.
- Current regulations and ethical standards (such as those from CMS and NADSP) emphasize dignity, respect, and the rights of individuals to direct their own lives.
Motivation:
“My reason why”
The motivation for shifting from “I’m in charge” to “I am here to assist and accommodate” is rooted in a powerful truth: real support doesn’t come from control, it comes from connection.
For the person supported, this shift means dignity, autonomy, and the right to live a life of their own design. When we replace imposed decisions with supported choices, we foster confidence, independence, and a sense of self-worth. Empowerment isn’t a feel-good bonus, it’s a human right, and it’s essential to the well-being, growth, and inclusion of people with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities (IDD).
For the supporter, this isn’t just about being “nicer” or “more flexible.” It’s about becoming a true ally to someone who uplifts instead of overrides. Supporters who operate from partnership rather than authority experience more authentic relationships, deeper trust, and fewer conflicts. They also fulfill their ethical and professional responsibilities, aligning with values set by leading standards like CMS and NADSP.
This mindset isn’t fluffy philosophy, it’s a strategic, compassionate, and evidence based approach to better lives, better outcomes, and a better system. This is how we move the needle, from control to collaboration, from compliance to choice, from managing behavior to honoring humanity.
Skills/Habits:
“A habit is a behavior that is automatically performed in response to a specific cue, often without conscious thought. It’s a learned behavior, repeated frequently, and becomes ingrained through repetition, making it an automatic response to certain cues or triggers.”
Practical Strategies to Support, Not Control
To make this shift tangible, practice building the following skills and habits:
- Avoid Creating Power Struggles
This skill is perhaps the most important! We must be vigilant in not initiating power struggles with the people we support.. One way to do this is to remember the maxim “Proposition is more effective than imposition.”
- Choice Offering:
Present realistic options whenever possible, even in small decisions (food, activities, daily routine). Use visual aids or simple language as needed. - Shared Problem-Solving:
Rather than providing solutions, ask, “What do you think would help?” or “How would you like to solve this?” - Self-Check:
Regularly reflect. Are you making decisions for the person, or with them? Ask and provide feedback to other supporters about this! - Active Listening:
Listen more than you speak. Avoid interrupting, and show genuine interest in understanding what the person wants and needs. - Positive Risk-Taking / Dignity of Risk
Support people to safely try new things, understanding that making mistakes is a natural and valuable part of learning.
Habit Cues:
“Location, Time, Emotion, People, Preceding Action.”
Habit Cues: How Automatic Responses Can Reinforce Control or Support
Much of what we do as supporters is habitual, ingrained behaviors shaped by repetition, training, and often, the legacy of authority-based models. But habits aren’t destiny, they’re patterns. And patterns can be changed when we become aware of the triggers that cue them.
Habit cues are the moments that set a behavior into motion. They can be tied to:
- Location (where you are)
- Time (when it happens)
- Emotion (how you feel)
- People (who’s present)
- Preceding Action (what just happened)
If we want to shift from “managing” to “supporting,” we need to recognize these triggers and choose different responses, ones that promote autonomy, collaboration, and dignity.
Examples of Habit Cues and How to Respond Differently
Cue: Location – “At the medication cabinet”
Old Habit: Automatically give instructions: “Take your meds now.”
Supportive Response: “Would you like some water or juice with your medication?” or “Are you ready for your meds, or do you want a few more minutes?”
Cue: Time – “It’s 8:00 AM, time for chores”
Old Habit: “Okay, let’s get those chores done!”
Supportive Response: “Would you like to start with laundry or dishes today?” or “What’s your plan for chores this morning?”
Cue: Emotion – “You feel rushed or behind schedule”
Old Habit: Become directive: “We don’t have time for this, just put your shoes on!”
Supportive Response: Pause, breathe, and say, “How are you feeling about getting out the door today?” or “What can I do to help make this easier right now?”
Cue: People – “A supervisor walks into the room”
Old Habit: Shift into performance mode: “Let’s all follow the schedule now, please.”
Supportive Response: Continue interacting naturally and respectfully: “Hey, we’re working on making a grocery list, want to help us decide on dinner?”
Cue: Preceding Action – “Person supported hesitates or says no”
Old Habit: Override their decision: “Well, we have to do this.”
Supportive Response: Validate and collaborate: “I hear you’re not feeling it right now. Do you want to talk about what’s making it hard, or try again later?”
Rewiring Our Responses
Identifying your personal triggers is the first step. The second is intention. Before you act, ask yourself:
- “Am I responding with the person or reacting to the situation?”
- “Is this about control or about collaboration?”
- “Would I want to be spoken to this way?”
When we understand and reshape our habits, we stop operating on autopilot and start building trust, partnership, and true support. That’s the work. That’s the shift. That’s how we move from here… to there.
Communication: How to Convey Support Rather Than Control
Effective communication is the foundation of a supportive approach.
Try these tips:
- Use Inclusive Language:
Phrases like, “How can I help you with this?” or “What would you like to do?” instead of, “You need to…” or “You have to…” - Acknowledge Preferences:
Validate the person’s feelings and choices, even if you must set a boundary (e.g., “I see you really want X. Let’s explore together how it might work.”) - Nonverbal Skills:
Smile, make eye contact (as appropriate for the person), and use open body language to create trust and safety. - Affirm Rights and Autonomy:
Remind the person supported that it’s okay to say no, ask questions, or request alternatives.
Leadership: How Leaders Can Implement the Supportive Model
For supervisors and organizational leaders, fostering this culture shift requires intentional planning and action:
- Model the Approach (Cultural shifts begin with you)
Show support, collaboration, and person-centered practices in your interactions with both people supported and staff. - Policy and Training:
Ensure orientation and ongoing training focus on empowerment, decision-making, and respect for autonomy. Use real-world scenarios in training. - Feedback Systems:
Create opportunities for people supported and staff to express when they feel empowered (or not) and respond with concrete improvements. - Recognition:
Acknowledge staff who demonstrate supportive approaches with praise, awards, or other incentives. - Continuous Quality Improvement:
Use metrics (surveys, outcomes, satisfaction ratings) to monitor progress and identify areas needing further culture change.
The One Thing
Regardless of where you are on this journey from here to there, from authority to supporter… may we all say to ourselves on a daily basis…
“Today I choose, in my role, to assist people in getting their needs met.”
