I’m gonna tell you about my life.
There are days when I work really hard at my job.
I do everything I’m supposed to do.
I answer the emails, I do my job, I do my work, go home,
and I do my favorite thing,
which is open up the refrigerator, get out a bottle
of Chardonnay and pour myself a glass.
And then I like to sit on the couch.
I used to say, I like to watch Netflix and chill,
but somebody told me to stop saying that
’cause that’s not what’s happening.
But I have my glass of wine and I relax
and watch my Netflix.
But then there’s a day, let’s say, where I come
to work and I goof off.
I’m gonna tell the truth on myself.
I don’t answer the emails that I should answer.
Maybe I put off doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
I talk to my girlfriend on the phone, I talk
to the office manager for a while,
and we do a little gossiping.
And then I go home. And guess what?
When I go home, I can open up that refrigerator
and I can get that bottle of Chardonnay
and I can pour myself a glass. And there is nobody standing by my refrigerator saying, I heard you weren’t good at work today. You better put that bottle back down and you better pour that glass out
because you did not earn your Chardonnay. Nobody’s saying that. And if there was somebody saying that I would call 9 1 1, I have a home intruder.
Everything in life should not have to be earned.
Everybody needs something to look forward to.
Everybody needs something that they’re excited about
that they’re not gonna blow.
It makes you feel anxious if you think you’re
gonna blow it, right?
Sometimes you blow it just to blow it so
that you don’t have to feel so anxious.
If we tell people that they have
to earn all the things they’re looking forward to,
this doesn’t control them.
It makes them resentful.
They need to have things that they can just be joyful about
and look forward to that you can remind them of.
It’s too much when you have to earn things
and you’re an adult, right?
A reward here or there is a great thing.
But people need what we call non-contingent, right?
They need life to be fun.
They need to have lots of activities, lots of experiences
and lots of things to look forward to that they don’t have
to earn, but that they can be excited about.
And then behaviors get better naturally
because life is more fun and people get happier
and happy people don’t put holes in the wall
or fight with others or hurt themselves.
